43 REASONS IT'S GREAT TO BE A GIRL!
100 REASONS IT'S GREAT TO BE A GUY!
43 REASONS IT'S GREAT TO BE A GIRL!
1) Free dinners.
2) You can cry without pretending there's something in your contact.
3) Speeding ticket? What's that?
4) You actually get extra points for sitting on your butt, watching sports.
5) If you're a lousy athlete, you don't have to question your worth as a human being.
6) A new lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life.
7) In high school, you never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned.
8) If you have to be home in time for Ally McBeal, you can say so, out loud.
9) If you're not making enough money, you can blame the glass ceiling.
10) If you're not very attractive, you can fool 'em with makeup.
11) If you use self-tanner, it doesn't necessarily mean you're a big loser.
12) You could possibly live your whole life without ever taking a group shower.
13) Brad Pitt.
14) You don't have to fart to amuse yourself.
15) You'll never have to decide where to hide your nose-hair clippers.
16) When you take off your shoes, nobody passes out.
17) If the person you're dating is much better at something than you are, you don't have to break up with him.
18) If you think the person your dating really likes you, you don't have to break up with him
19) If you don't shave, no one will know.
20) If you're dumb, some people will find it cute.
21) You don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
22) You can dress yourself.
23) Your hair is yours to keep.
24) If you ARE bald, people will think you did it on purpose, and you're really chic.
25) You don't have to pretend to like cigars.
26) You'll never have to blow 2 months salary on anything.
27) If you marry someone 20 years younger, you know you look like an idiot.
28) You're rarely compelled to scream at the TV.
29) You and your friends don't have to get totally wasted in order to share your feelings.
30) If you pick up the check once in a while, that's plenty.
31) Sitting and watching people is all the entertainment you need.
32) Your friend won't think you're weird when you ask if there's spinach in your teeth.
33) When you get a million catalogues in the mail, it's a good thing.
34) Sometimes, chocolate truly can solve all your problems.
35) If you're under 6', you don't have to lie about it.
36) You'l never regret piercing your ears.
37) You can fully assess someone just by looking at his or her shoes.
38) You'll never discover you've been fooled by a Wonderbra.
39) You don't have hair on your back.
40) If anything on your body isn't as big as it should be, you can get
41) You can tell which glass was yours by the lipstick mark.
42) If you have big ears, no one has to know.
43) You can be attracted to someone just because they're really funny.
44) You can borrow your spouse's clothes and it doesn't mean you belong on Jerry Springer.
100 REASONS IT'S GREAT TO BE A GUY!
1) Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2) Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3) You know stuff about tanks.
4) A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
5) Monday Night Football.
6) You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
7) Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
8) You can open all your own jars.
9) Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.
10) Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
11) When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
12) Your butt is never a factor in job interviews.
13) All your orgasms are real.
14) A beer gut doesn't make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15) Guy in hockey masks don't attack you (unless you smash 'em into the boards).
16) You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
17) You understand why "Stripes" is funny.
18) You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
19) Your last name stays put.
20) You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
21) When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22) You can kill your own food.
23) The garage is all yours.
24) You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25) You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment".
26) Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
27) You never have to clean a toilet.
28) You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.
29) Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
30) Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31) If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
32) Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
33) The National College Cheerleading Championship.
34) You don't have to shave below your neck.
35) None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.
36) You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.
37) If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.
38) You can write your name in the snow.
39) You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
40) Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.
41) Chocolate is just another snack.
42) You can be president. (In this lifetime.)
43) You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
44) Flowers fix everything.
45) You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
46) You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
47) You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
48) Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.
49) You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
50) You can say anything ("Wow, do my balls hurt!") and not worry about what people will think.
51) Foreplay is optional.
52) Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
53) Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.
54) You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55) You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader's coming by.
56) You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
57) Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58) You don't give a rat's butt if anyone notices your new haircut.
59) You can quietly watch a game with you buddy for hours without ever thinking He must be mad at me.
60) The world is your urinal.
61) You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover's about to leave you.
62) You get to jump up and slap stuff.
63) Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
64) One mood, all the time
65) You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
66) You never have to drive on to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.
67) You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
68) You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you're wearing.
69) Same work...more pay!
70) Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
71) You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
72) Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75.
73) You don't care if someone's talking about you behind you back.
74) With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
75) You don't mooch off others' desserts.
76) If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
77) The remote control is yours and yours alone.
78) People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
79) ESPN's SportsCenter.
80) You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
81) Bachelor parties whomp butt over bridal showers.
82) You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
83) You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
84) You needn't pretend you're "Freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
85) If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends you've changed.
86) Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
87) You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Screw it."
88) If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.
89) Princess Di's death was just another obituary.
90) The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
91) You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
92) You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
93) If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room.
94) New shoes don't blister, cut, and mangle your feet.
95) Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
96) You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
97) Not liking a person doesn't preclude having great sex with them.
98) Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with:"So... notice anything different?"
100) There's always a game on somewhere.